Stop The Bullying

There is a disturbing trend going on in our schools and that is bullying students for looking, acting or being gay which has caused death in the hands of the perpertrators or the victims themselves by committing suicides.

I just don't get it, in both cases shown here the parents sought help but nothing was done. It seems the schools even with their "anti-bullying laws" don't have a strict way of dealing with bullies. Think about it, if a victim was been bullied for his race, there will be a serious "hate" outcry against the bullies but what about for those of a different sexual orientation.

Or they are not even gays, but these bullies just terrorize their victims for being "different" like the African-American kid Carl Walker was a boy scout, helped out at his church and dreamt of being President some day. All that snuffed out when the 11-year old boy couldn't take the bullying anymore.

The story was no different for Jaheem Herrara - a U.S. Virgin Islands native in school in Tennesse who was tormented daily with anti-gay slurs even though he wasn't gay (but so what if he was). His Mom complained to CNN's Anderson Cooper last night that the school did nothing. Now the mother has pulled her other children from U.S. Schools to relocate to her native home in St. Croix.

Something needs to be done. There's a great website dedicated to this issue called "Stop The Bulling Now." But all of us share a responsibility to break this silence because that could be our nephew, cousin, brother, or son. Let's kick these bullies out - lives are dependent on it.

Tags: Bullying

South Florida Musings

I want to talk about this region I've lived over the past decade - South Florida. It's been on my mind for a while to blog about the misconceptions, perception and perhaps some truth about the region which goes from Miami, Fort Lauderdale to Palm Beach.

Up till a couple of days ago, anytime I have to do a transaction in other parts of the country and I give my address, the rep would like to engage in a little chit-chat about what it's like to live here. Even once when I was buying a computer for my Aunt who was just getting into the information highway, and gave the address. The rep was like "oh you're close to South Beach?" with awe in his voice. "Not anymore. I used to live ten minutes away from it though" I replied. "What was that like . . ." I laughed and told him SoBe (as we locals say for South Beach) doesn't have the same effect to us as it does to tourists.

Misconception 1: Not all Miami is South Beach. I want to scream everytime I'm watching a Heat game and the team is playing at home and one TV Commentator says "We're coming to you live from South Beach." No they're not! They're coming to you live from Bayside! Or from the Downtown Miami area. There's still a 15-minute to 20-minute drive (if no traffic - that will be answered prayer) to get to South Beach from the Arena. But I get the point; it makes it sound more glitzy to say South Beach than Bayside.

South Beach is only a few streets that connect together that make a whole bunch of guys lose their minds when they visit. You got Lincoln Road, Ocean Drive, what else Alton Road is not far off but folks actually live there than the bars, boutiques, night clubs and hotels.

Misconception 2: Miami is quite different from Miami Vice or CSI: Miami - A few times those TV shows got it right but there's still much more those shows don't show you. Like actual quiet places with real families and not models and actors. But the Bad Boys movie with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence was close to fact; they actually shot both movies in South Florida.

Misconception 3: It never gets cold in South Florida. Ok so we don't get brutal winters like Boston, Chicago or New York. But the weather can dip to less than 40 to 50 degrees from what you start with during the day. And as much as my friends up north say not to talk about our version of cold weather. Look, at least they get a season. It is so erratic down here during the winter that it sends a shock to your toasted system. That's why folks are always getting the sniffles.

Misconception 4: Only fun you can have is at South Beach. Then I'll say how limited. Like I said, South Beach is just a few streets. Why don't you go to Hollywood - Hollywood, Florida that is. Check out the huge Seminole Hard Rock Live and Hotel. You could almost get lost in there. Go there for a concert, improv, gambling (if that's your thing) or shopping.

And if that's not your thing, go to the Grove - Coconut Grove. It's like South Beach Lite; less rowdy.

Want more? You have to visit Las Olas -that is the upscale version for us locals who don't want to deal with the noise of South Beach but leave it to tourists to enjoy but now tourists are getting in on the secret. Yes, midnight is just like midday. If you're a small town person, please bring a person with you not to feel overwhelmed. You might be leaving at 2am and you see a throng of people just getting in trying to get your spot to park.

Then you have to go to City Walk in Palm Beach. It's a drive but so worth it. I spent a b-day a year and half ago one night and I will not confess when I got home. All I'll say is there was dinner, movie, a bit of shopping, site seeing and listening to local musicians

Misconception 5: Other than partying, there is no sophisticated "culture." - This is one of the things that get on my nerves when I visit other parts of the country and they ask where I'm from. I tend to dispel a lot of perceptions folks might have about me when they see me. There is an "enlightened" crowd, dare I say, "intellectual" crowd here also. We have one of the world's biggest book fairs - Miami International Book Fair, you have got to check out the "Design District" in Miami, or the Furniture district in Fort Lauderdale and DCOTA in Griffin.

Also, there's a politically active crowd in South Florida. How did you think President Obama won Florida? He and many Democrat Politicians spent A LOT OF TIME DOWN HERE LAST YEAR. There are great exhibits to check out, plays to see and South Florida has a thriving Native American community. Visiting the Indian Village would be an eye-opening experience about some history lessons you may not have read about this great people.

Tags: South Beach, South Florida

Sign Of The Times: Jeans

There was a time when you were told to wear your "Sunday's best" when going to Church but what if the parishioners of today are really wearing their "Friday or Saturday's best," that is, the old dependable jeans.

That is what I noticed today after service, a typical Sunday when most ladies bolt for the ladies room and while standing I noticed all the eight ladies (including yours truly)save one in skirt were in all kinds of jeans - boot cut, straight leg, trouser-form and the skinny jeans.

I wondered if this trend reflects the sign of the times (the lean times) and when folks crave something familiar or simple, in this case jeans. Then I thought of the history of this wardrobe staple when the trend was started by farmers who needed something comfortable to wear while they toiled. Far from the "designer labels" the jeans have become. I mean there are $700 jeans. The horror!

During 2007 thanksgiving, I remembered spending time with a matriarch of the family who was fascinated by us young folks wearing jeans everywhere but yet so fashionable. She was one of the first (in her day) to be hired by companies as image consultants for the workplace. The jeans have crept into the workplace too (to my delight).

As a young girl seeing my Dad in his usual uniform - the suit and tie, I told him I hope when I get to the workplace things will be a bit lax and not that stuffy. Well, it did- - a little bit. It was during the time I got to college the term "business casual" started being a buzz word. But sometimes you still have to wear that "uniform" called the suit.

However, the Church is normally the place that seems to be behind the times when it comes to traditions. So imagine my surprise after leaving the ladies room and getting into the lobby, the trend was at least one in two individuals including the guys. Yes, there were the traditional types who still wore their "Sunday's best" but it's nice to see most folks don't have to feel pressured on what to wear and could follow that old creed to come as they are.

Musings About My Hair

Two Saturdays ago, I did something I've not done in 16 years - I stopped putting relaxer in my hair. Now I know I have readers who aren't black but oblige me for a few minutes. Only another sister knows what a black woman goes through with her hair. And since I've had some torturous experiences with my hair from a little girl whether through hot comb from my Mom when they took me to the Motherland - their country which made her out of sorts with what to do with with my hair.

Then we found a way to get it done right but based on my Dad's job, we moved a lot, which made me have adventures not just in culture shocks but in hair-raising experiences. I remembered when I was ten years old, a woman braided my long locs so hard I couldn't sleep during the weekend. I was more than willing when my mom decided to cut the whole thing off. That began my scissors-happy adventure with my hair any time I got in a bind.

But I didn't cut the hair only as rebellion but when most folks don't know how to handle your "unique" head of hair, you lose faith. I can go on about various adventures. I remember one of five years ago when my hair stylist wasn't available but told one of his colleagues to take care of me when I showed up for the appointment. I knew something was wrong when the guy kept going inside to find yet another product to tame my hair. Then I looked in the mirror and this brother kept putting more oil on the already greasy-laden hair but with no gloss. My oily face was showing signs of not my internal oil glands but the one coming from a can.

I was so mad when I left the "chic" salon, I didn't give the guy the regular generous tip I leave for my stylist. So we've gone five years and I still have ups and downs with the way I want my hair to look. I thought to myself over that weekend - why not natural? What! I put relaxer in my hair in the first place because of all the stuff I've gone through; thinking it will be a better manageability.

After debating with myself, I finally had the gots to take the leap. I went to a "hair cuttery" salon and asked for a black stylist. When the stylist came, I took off my hat and told her what I wanted done by cutting my hair way short and taking off the hair color experimentation I did in April. It was an emotional experience as the layers of hair kept falling off. Afterwards, I looked like a different girl in the mirror - one ten years younger and the lady smiled and said "to new adventures." "Thanks" I replied.

But I've had to do some crash training on maintaining this new (natural) head of hair. I spoke with a friend of mine over the weekend about my new look and I was so happy when she sent this link called "urbancurlz" via e-mail. Paul McCartney was right - "I get by with a little help from my friends." I've devoured the website for 15 minutes and I will be a frequent visitor as I face the new adventures with my hair.

Tags: Black women's hair

Overaccessorizing - Please STOP IT

This is not a fashion blog. But strangers and friends can note I pay attention to fashion by how I dress. As for me, I don't see myself as a fashion fanatic (I have better things to do - nothing against those who are) but I do believe in being stylish. And there is a huge difference between being stylish and being trendy. The former defines you and the latter, well shows you have more money at your disposal - for lack of a better word.

To really note the difference, just look at folks who have been referred to as style icons: Audrey Hepburn for the little black dress, Katherine Hepburn for wearing pants and white shirts when the ladylike dresses were the norm, Richard Roundtree in the iconic “Shaft” who made turtlenecks and the leather jackets to be sexy as a bad mother (shut your mouth), and Diana Ross in the movie "Mahogany."

There’s nothing wrong with being trendy. If you are a fashion editor or designer, it's a job requirement. But paying attention to trends should just enhance the style you already have. For example, when you look at Ralph Lauren, the epitome of the American style, you may note he threw in a few elements of surprise in a new season line but you can tell it is STILL Ralph Lauren. He ain't gonna be Sean John - a little more edgy. Get my drift.

So what brought about my gripe today? This overaccessorizing trend I’ve been seeing on my TV screens and on the streets. On BET awards, I saw the rappers in their blinding bling. Seriously, how in the world can so many guys wear glittery t-shirts, with blinged out jewelry on their necks, eyes (with shades) and wrists? OMG! I could feed a war-thorn African country with half of the jewelry on those guys.

Then I was watching CNN this weekend and I couldn’t concentrate on the news this anchor (who I love since her days in South Florida so she will remain nameless) was reading. She had on this chunky necklace and equally chunky earrings. I felt like going through my TV screen and taking one piece of jewelry off that was detracting from her already beautiful face. It was no different when I saw another CNN piece on Black in America (later on that).

What is it about our American super-size culture? It’s a land of excess but in some things, like make-up or trends, less can definitely be more. When you go to other countries, for example France, you find some of the chicest women. Most of them have little to no jewelry with their dresses or outfits. Same thing goes with African countries, most of the times, the clothes (often embroidered) speak for themselves. And when they wear chunky jewelry, most of the times, the outfits are plain.

Not so with my American counterparts, they will rather show how much they could afford by piling the jewelry on. To those folks, I would like to remind them of what another style icon, Coco Chanel said: When you’re fully dressed, before you leave your door, take one thing OFF.

Things I Don't Get - Men's Trends

Another installment of "things I don't get" as I head into our national holiday and this time I turn my attention to the men and what they think is hip or stylish that leave me confused:

I don't get sagging pants on grown men: See I don't have a problem with teenagers with this trend. Ok, I teased a teenage family relative once last year he could meet his impatient friend outside quicker if he pulled up his pants. For the most past, I feel teenagers will grow out of it or the workplace will dictate their fashion choices but when grown men from 25, ok, give them 28 hold on to this trend, I'm left wondering with questions like "what are they thinking?"

I understand the hip-hop world sometimes dictates this trend but come on! Jay-Z is even pulling up his pants and rightfully so when you're pushing 40. This is a national outrage as seen in this video:


I don't get dreadlocks/braids on guys over 35: Listen up guys! The dreads or braids need to go after this critical age. This is one of Cedric the Entertainer's stand up routine of being "a grown ass man." After 35 and still keeping the dreads just looks like you're TRYING to be cool when you might already be.

As a member of a former church, there was a certain Brother that was well past 40 with pronounced receding hairlines, some of my friends called him a slim version of R-Kelly and he was still doing the cornrows. The cornrows started from like two inches from his forehead. Seriously, as nice as the guy seemed to be, that absurd look always got to me. I was thinking anytime he walked by could somebody just tell him to go bald.

Since many brothers take after celebrities especially singers to woo the ladies, I want to show you proof of singers who got rid of the dreads after 35: Eric Benet - check out his clean look for the past four years:
Maxwell (where has he been?) who came out of Exile on the BET Awards (He looked completely different - still handsome grown up):


I don't get the crayola colors trends started by Kanye West: Guys you're NOT Kanye! The funny thing about this rainbow colors is that it makes the guys look like caricatures. And you can tell they are imitating somebody. Let me tell you something guys, Kanye became Kanye by being an individual - a corky individual but one no less. He debunked the tracksuits - the hip-hop uniform at the time for a streamlined preppy look. That's why he is rightfully a "style icon" as he wants to be seen among other things.


You guys copying Kanye's style doesn't make you stylish, it makes you a copycat. How's that for a label when an original would be more complimentary. Get back to the classics of neutrals, with a dash of color and stop making us girls dizzy with the technicolor of crayolas.

Tags: Men's Trends, Dreadlocks, Eric Benet, Kanye West, Maxwell, Sagging Pants, Style