Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Things I Don't Get - Relationship Edition

Taking a break from politics, I’m going to revisit my most popular segment from a previous blog I owned about my musings but with a new spin. These are things I don’t get in relationships:

I don’t get when a guy starts a sentence with: “You know I love you. . .” Let me use this as a PSA: Girl, brace yourself because the next sentences after "you know I love you" will not be good. Why don’t guys just go into the bad news first and stop wasting time.

My question to the guy who starts a sentence with the phrase “you know I love you,” will be: what did you do? If you love me, I will know without you saying it. But make no mistake, I like hearing it but not in that way when nine times out of ten, I know what follows such refrain wouldn’t be a gift I was eyeing. Guys, maybe you’re still shaking your heads about why the phrase give girls a pause but let me ask you what goes through your mind when your girl says: “We need to talk.” I rest my case.

I don’t get when there is any form of abuse in a relationship – physical, emotional, or mental. That goes for both sides. Yes, the majority of abuse is from the guy inflicting a type of abuse on a girl – one in four women in the U.S are subjected to some form of domestic violence.

But the reversal of such also happens but often unreported. In that sense, I’m an equal opportunity kind of girl. A few years ago, a lady friend of a friend spent a night in jail for attacking her husband. My friend was shocked when I said she needed to spend the night in jail for what she did. My friend felt her husband shouldn’t have called the police. I was totally against such theory and it brought about a great discussion. I’m not sure if she entirely bought my side of the story but it was a start to see fair is fair regardless of the gender.

I don’t get when anyone stays in an abusive relationship. An accustomed lifestyle is not worth the emotional trauma or your life.

I don’t get the “stand by your man” concept. Seriously, Tammy Wynette will live in infamy for that song. If you’ve live long enough, at least for the last 20 years and have a television, you’ve seen the parade of women standing by their public figures and philandering husbands. Oh the list is so long of these men but let’s give it a shot: Democratic Presidential hopeful Gary Hart, TV Evangelist Jim Bakker, former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy, former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, and soon to be former Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick. I’ve often asked myself the question: what if the roles were reversed, would the man stand by his woman? I doubt it; she’ll literally be a scarlet woman.

I don’t get the obsessive use of texting and all forms of digital device in place of live communication either by phone or face-to-face. I’m all for the next great gadget but when I’m in a relationship with you, those gadgets are supplementary NOT the main communication device(s). For example, when you’re stuck in a boring meeting or know I will be stuck in one; sending a text is cute and sweet. But when you really want to take the relationship to the next level, you better UNPLUG. And if you don’t, start counting the days when I unplug all forms of communications from you.

I don’t get when a guy over 15 has no clue on how to break up. It’s called etiquette. Someone needs to give a book (scratch that when it comes to some guys) or a speech what not to do when you are about to break up. I mentioned last month of being a fan of Sex and The City, and fans of the show will remember a memorable episode of Jack Burger breaking up with Carrie on a post-it note. Guys, don’t ever do that! Don’t break-up with her over an e-mail; how about if she forwards such emails to cybersphere for folks to see what a jerk you were. And please don’t do it over text a la Britney with Kevin Federline (and they were married). It is just tacky.

Tag: Relationships